Something has to change.

I am shaky as I write this. This year has taught me how much media affects me and how much it controls my thoughts, but this is not what I am writing about. Hi, my name is Alyssa Arcos and I am a mixed child. My dad is Mexican born in Mexico City and my mother is Black and her family descends from Panama. These past two days I have broken down, had anxiety attacks and have been so confused. It has been a while since I have been overwhelmed by so many emotions. I have been trying to stay off social media because it begins to trigger so many emotions, but today I need all these thoughts that I am having off my chest. Growing up, my parents did their best to give me the best life that I could ever imagine. They sent me to the best schools in the area even if it meant driving 40 minutes to get there. They let me grow up in an area that I can be my own person to the best of my abilities. They also raised me to be as positive and see the best in people for who they are on the inside and I have lived my entire life trying to do such a thing. 

I have grown up around predominantly white communities and groups my entire life. I have been lucky enough that many of the people that I have grown up around have seen me the way that I see them and that is who we are on the inside as people. Growing up I have tried to convince myself that the color of my skin has no impact on who I am as a person and sadly I think I have tried in a small way to hide the fact that I am a person of color and act like it does not affect me but it does. Finding your identity as a person is hard enough as a young adult, but what is even harder is knowing that no matter who you are as a person, people may not look at or respect you the same because of the color of your skin. That many people in the world will not see you for who you are as a person they only see you like a color. No matter how hard you work you might not be given the same opportunities as others because people do not see you as qualified. No matter how close you are to someone as a friend they may still feel as though they are better than you because they are white and may make comments without even thinking that they hurt. These are things that I have tried to act like have no effect on me but they do. 

Many people are taught to be who they are because who they are is enough, but people of color in America are taught to be who they are, but take caution and just know that you are not as respected as others. It hurts my soul to think that in 2020 people do not see people as people, they see people as color and that one color is better than any other. It hurts my heart to think that when my brother is out and about he can be harmed just by the color of his skin. Knowing that he would never cause harm to anyone.

I just want to know why is it so hard for people to see people for who they are on the inside? Why do people feel as though the color of their skin makes them inferior to others? How long are we going to be fighting the same fight? Why is it so hard to love people for who they are? We can not continue to keep treating each other like this. We have to learn to love one another and be there for others. No person is greater than one another. No person deserves to die because of the color of their skin. We have to learn to love one another no matter where they come from. I will never understand what it means to be fully black. I am of mixed raced. I will never understand what it is like to be African American, my family is carribean and from a Panamanian descent. I just want people the look like me to be treated, loved and respect as everyone else. I want to know that people in America think our lives are just as important as everyone else. We need more love.